Crash! Burn! Rise!

     Life has been pretty intense! We have been doing all the milking, cheesemaking, packaging, marketing, and delivering cheese ourselves for the past two months. (Except for the fine work our distributors do....(I love you guys so much right now!!!)) With the cows and the facility a 3 hour round trip away and our markets and major buyers in cities that are a 4 hour round trip away, our weeks are maxed out. When we have part of a day off, we stare glassy-eyed into space, utterly fatigued and burnt out.
      Daniel continues to amaze me with his endurance and optimism. He goes without sleep and food in a race against time to keep up with everything. Meanwhile, I'm not faring so well. Be it pregnancy hormones, the 33 extra pounds, low iron levels, or all of the above, I can barely move and I am a blubbering mess.

      When I say blubbering mess I actually mean  a virtual meltdown where one is in a state of despair and questioning whether they can continue going in this direction. That's right! A year and a half in and countless hours, all our financial reserves and I am wondering if we should just quit.

• I miss my family being together. I miss my husband! 
• I miss sunsets and sunrises on the farm....quiet times and coffee time!
• I miss doing fun things on Sunday with the children...now I stare at the ceiling in exhaustion.
• I miss friends, family, vacations....anything fun.
• I miss real food....food that I cooked and does not belong in the sandwich category!

     After a particularly depressing attempt to achieve funding for the new facility, I just fell apart.

     A-N-D.....not quietly, in a corner, like usual! Due to missing a commitment, my family caught wind of my disfunction. AND.....they sprung into action. Food, transportation to a baby well care visit, help with clothes, and basically just meeting our needs where we are... arrived through thousands of miles of travel and efforts. I am still not exactly sure how to go on, but I have a few ideas.

     

         It is humbling to have a family that loves me that much...but I am so grateful. Everyone needs that kind of support sometimes and to be reminded that someone values them. I never want to abuse such support and I hate the inconvienence  they have suffered for it, so I want it to mean something. I want it to support fruit in me that is successful and stable. Also, a full cup has something to give to others! I desperately want to pay some of that love and support forward.

      The take away here is that in the crucible of life, family can make the difference between burn-out and hope. So on we go....with renewed strength and hope.